Immortality Sucks
by thenebulagalaxy
Summary: Celine and Elvire Stiles were just going about their daily lives being rudely interrupted by a couple of experienced killers. Set after DOFP in the corrected future.
1. Stuck in the Middle with You

Sleep was something very sacred to Celine. If she didn't get her eight hours, the woman was certifiably miserable for the rest of the day. So, when a certain someone decided to barge into her room after she was only six hours in, Celine was understandably enraged.

At first she tried to ignore the noise, turning in her bed to get comfortable once more, but they were persistent. With long, brown hair wildly splayed around her head, she shifted a pillow from her side to cover her ears.

"I know I told you to come to the house anytime you wanted, but that didn't mean come barging in my room as you please." She groaned, voice muffled by the cushion.

"Get the hell up, Celine. Some dick's are following me." The intruder growled irritably.

"Would these dicks happen to be angry men wanting their money back? Money _you_ stole?"

"I haven't stolen anything from them, as far as I can remember. They're probably hired help, actually." Cue an annoyed sigh and her beloved mattress dipping as more weight was added.

"Is that why you're here? I wasn't expecting you for another month. Let me guess, you were 'in the neighborhood'?" Celine turned over, eyes squinting to focus on the figure sitting at the end of her bed. She was silent for a moment before draping an arm over her eyes, "you're sure they're following you?"

There was a huff of breath before more annoyance-laced words followed. "No doubt about it. I landed in Boston two hours ago and they've been following me since."

Letting out a hiss of annoyance, the woman sat up in bed, her face holding a cross expression. "What the hell Elvie, what did you do to get mercenaries on your ass?" There was a bitterness in Celine's tone as she stood from the bed. She stretched before glancing out a window across the room. After giving her street a once over, she headed towards her dresser for clothes.

"How long do we have?"

"About thirty minutes, considering I took the roundabout way getting here. Why the fuck are you wearing your granny clothes?" Seafoam green eyes were glancing over her form in disgust, focused completely on the ruffled material.

Celine was headed to the bathroom to change with a bundle of clothing, stopping at the question. With a miffed look, she rolled her eyes, "oh shut up, it's comfortable and you know it. I've been wearing them to bed for years." With another sigh, she entered the ensuite bathroom before shutting the door behind her.

Realizing that she would have some rather violent company soon, Celine decided to sport athletic wear. Shedding the old fashioned nightgown, the woman pulled on a black sports bra and a loose magenta tank top over it. She quickly put on a pair of matching black shorts before heading to her bathroom sink. Tying her hair up into a high ponytail, she tossed her white nighttime apparel into a laundry basket before exiting.

"Come help me move the porcelain downstairs." She called over her shoulder, trotting down the wooden staircase.

"With how many times this has happened, you'd think you'd learn to keep the breakable shit not on the ground floor."

"I can't help myself, there's too much to show off! If I moved it upstairs, guests wouldn't have as much to oogle at." Celine bit back playfully, "get the other side of the coffee table. I don't want a repeat of last time, I was cleaning up pieces of glass for a week."

"Oh I'm _so_ sorry, Cel-bell. I didn't ask to be thrown into the damn thing!"

"Are you seriously making excuses for bringing a fight to the mansion, Elvire? I would gladly send you packing if I wanted to. Those guys could show up and I'd feel perfectly fine playing innocent."

"Oh you could never boot your precious sibling out into the cold hard world, could you? Besides, you suck at acting." Elvire cooed, easily picking up the side of the coffee table closest to her and shuffling through the living room doors, "where are we even putting this? The drawing room?"

"Yeah." Guiding her sister, the two managed to scoot the table into one of the many rooms the house held. Humming, she returned to the living room, taking down other pieces of glass and ceramic decor, collectively shoving them on the coffee table.

"By the way, you've been in and out for how many decades? Leaving your poor baby sister to fend for herself that very cold, hard world you speak of." She feigned a look of sadness, dramatically putting a hand on her forehand. In the next moment, she went back to looking unperturbed.

"How's that for 'sucking at acting'?"

"That was shit." Elvire responded instantly, her expression and tone completely flat.

Celine pouted, suddenly feeling determined to prove her wrong. Putting away a couple more trinkets, she suddenly let out an ear piercing scream, turning to her sister with a look of horror on her face.

After a moment, she grinned. "How was that?"

"You sounded like a banshee, you-"

Before Elvire could finish her sentence, the door splintered and flew open, slamming into the wall. Both whipped their heads around to see two figures enter, one with long, silver claws poking out of his hands, the other… Well, that was harder to explain, amid the excess of red and black spandex. That one was holding dual katanas.

"Never fear young. attractive lady, your heroes are here!" The red and black suited man exclaimed, holding his weapons a little higher. The other glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes, a scowl on his face. Both men expected Celine to run to their side, or at least take cover in another room. Instead, her eyes widened in an expression of panic as if she just remembered something.

"Not the Francesco Italian original!" She screeched, launching forward as she watched the high-priced vase teeter dangerously.

With a grunt, she jumped up to the man with claws, kicking him square in the jaw to knock him away from the mantle. He stumbled away from her, giving Celine enough time to grab said material and scurry it over to lay with the rest of the breakable valuables before closing the door in her wake..

The other man glanced between the two before focusing on Elvire, gesturing with one of the gleaming blades as the more buff of the duo launched towards Celine with an annoyed grumble. "I'm not with him."

"Who are you with, then?" Elvire questioned curiously, watching as her sister had to backpedaled away from the man's outstretched claws.

"Myself, mostly. I've been contracted to eliminate the Rooster's leader. Apparently that's you." Now the katana was pointed in Elvire's direction, making the brunette raise a mocking eyebrow.

"Me? You think lil 'ol me is the leader of an international gang?"

"Well, yes." Cue a nonchalant shrug and a step forward, the man's muscles tensing.

"Who even are you? And what's with the spandex?"

"I'm Deadpool! And we really should move on to fighting - or, well, killing."

"I hate to interrupt your little chat but Elvire, a little help?" Celine shouted as she ducked under the larger man's lunges. She slid between his legs, quickly standing and swiveling to kick him in the ass, making the large man stumble forward into the wall.

"Son of a bitch." He growled under his breath as he turned around to face his opponent..

"I was going to get a nice lunch before all this shit." Elvire whined dramatically, reaching under her jacket quickly only to bring up a 9mm handgun, glancing between spandex - er, Deadpool - and the other man. Before she could attempt to help her sibling, Deadpool launched forward, katana's swinging expertly for the woman's throat.

Out of the corner of her eye, Celine saw the man Elvie was talking to lunge at her. So much for getting help. Facing the her opponent again, who was no longer sporting the claws, she saw that he was running towards her with his fist thrown back. Realizing he was aiming to punch her in the face, she quickly shot both hands out in a cross block, wincing at the pain from deflecting him. Meeting the man's hazel eyes with a confident smirk, Celine was surprised by the satisfied grin she was met with. It was then that she became aware of the man's claws impaling her shoulder from where she still held his fist in the block.

She let out a surprised gasp, only to follow it with a more desperate grunt as the man's other fist came up, stabbing up through her ribcage and more than likely her left lung.

Before Celine could do much more there was a loud crack, following by the sound of shattering glass. Turning an annoyed glanced in her sister's direction, she let out another - more exasperated - groan. "That vase is worth two thousand dollars!"

Elvire sent her an irritated glower, reaching up to remove the katana thrust through her heart and started to pick out the splinters of porcelain in her arm. "I'll reimburse you later."

"What the shit?" Deadpool questioned in surprise, standing a few feet away from where Elvire had landed. Before she could fully remove the first sword, the man in the red suit stepped forward and started to stab her with his second one repeatedly in the stomach. He watched in amazement as every time he pulled his arm back, the previous wound was already sealing up.

"Do you mind?" Elvire asked impatiently, throwing the katana had had been through her chest on the ground while smacking away the other one in Deadpool's hand as he went for another stab.

Logan's mouth fell open as he looked down at his victim with widened eyes. This girl should be _dead_. Celine made eye contact with him, giving a mock look of sympathy. It was then that he looked at her as if suddenly recognizing the female and then like he made a really bad mistake.

"Sorry, maybe next time?" She forced her body back a step, giving leeway to rest her feet on his stomach and push her body fully off, internally cringing at the squelching sound it made.

Celine landed with one knee on the ground, having to catch her breath as her torso buzzed with the same tingles one would get from their limbs falling asleep. As she did this, the woman noticed the massive amounts of blood staining her tank top.

"Oh, you're so lucky I know how to get rid of blood stains."

"You mean that I know how. You wouldn't even know how to throw a punch if it wasn't for me." Elvire grumbled bitterly, glancing down at her sliced jacket with a scowl. Letting out a sigh she relinquished her grip on her useless gun - what type of katana could cut through the barrel? - and held the material closer to her eyes. "Do you think you could mend this?"

Celine squinted at the fabric, "yeah, probably."

"Um, could someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" The spandex wearing man spoke up, gesturing wildly to the two women. In turn, both looked at him with stoic looks.

"Should we tell them?" The ponytail wearing one asked. "It looks like we're in the same boat." She hooked a thumb at the burly man, who was watching with tense confusion.

"Eh, they're mutants, obviously, so we might as well," Shrugging, Elvire turned towards her stabber, "you could rip off my head and not kill me, Mr. Deadpool. Ditto for Celine over there, so you might as well break that contract of yours."

"Celine…" The large guy muttered from behind them. Upon hearing her name, said woman turned to him with a quirked eyebrow.

"You're not Celine _Stiles_ , are you?" His eyebrows were furrowed together in confusion.

"Maybe. Who's asking?"

"There's no way…" He mumbled under his breath, shaking his head. Realizing she was waiting on him to answer, he sighed, "what the hell, do you know a Hank McCoy?" Figuring he might as well ask.

Hearing his name after so long caused Celine's heart to feel like it dropped into her stomach.

"No."

"You didn't answer, by the way. I've already got Spandex's name, what's yours?" Elvire butted in, sending an evaluating glance Celine's way before focusing back on the clawed mutant.

"Wolverine." He spoke simply, letting his claws inch out of his hand, but just for a second.

"Ooh, I think the brunette's lying!" Deadpool said gleefully, gesturing towards Celine, "you don't hear a stranger's name and get a look like that on your face."

She whipped her head to give him a death glare, but he remained unfazed.

"Are you?" Wolverine asked, crossing his arms.

"Hank was a passing fling, nothing more." Celine waved her hand passively.

He let out a snort, "that's not how he tells it."

"It doesn't matter how he tells it." She snapped back.

"Regardless, Deadpool's already told me why he's after my head, but what about you?" Elvire interrupted once again, crossing the drawing room and glaring up into the man's eyes.

"I came to see Celine. Hank spoke so highly of you, I wanted to see for myself." There was some truth to that statement. Logan was still recovering memories from his little excursion in '73, only little tidbits here and there, though. Xavier was able to help him with most of it. In the other future, Celine had gone missing and it devastated Elvire. He wanted to see how this portion changed with the altered timeline. From what he could tell, they remained relatively untouched, something that made Logan glad.

"Then why did you come in here and try to kill me?" Celine spoke incredulously, gesturing to her ruined shirt.

He let out an awkward, half hearted chuckle at that, awkwardly looking away from her. "I, uh, didn't know the two of you were home? Figured one of you were up to something." He tried to reason before noticing the sibling's equally flat stares.

He scowled. "I made a mistake, alright? I didn't realize who you were till I thought it was too late."

The man paused for a moment, looking between the two of them with scrutiny. "I actually thought she was you." He gestured between the siblings, "damn, do you two look similar." They both shrugged, giving one another a wary glance.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, pause." Deadpool piped up again. "I know what 'ol Beast-y looks like and I need to know. How the hell did he score a chick like you?" He paused for a moment, as if trying to come up with the answer himself. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers, pointing in Celine's direction.

"Of course! You're a furry, aren't you?"

Elvire suddenly burst out laughing, having to clutch her stomach so she didn't keel over.

"What?" Celine sneered. "What's a furry? Elvie?"

"I-it's-Deadpool that's gold! It's a...a, er, well. Shit. Hang on." The woman struggled to catch her breath before quickly running into another room to retrieve her cellphone, rapidly typing and bringing up the definition. She handed it over to her sibling, beginning to snicker.

Celine scoffed, her face morphing into one full of disgust. "Of course not! Hank's fully capable of looking human."

Logan took a couple steps forward, able to read the definition from over the girl's shoulder. His face was soon matching her's.

"Okay, that answers one question." Deadpool nodded. "But I have another."

As Celine handed Elvire back her phone, they turned to him expectantly.

"Isn't Beast pushing, like, eighty? Are you a gold digger or something? You can't be older than twenty-five."

She gave a sheepish look. "We sort of dated a while ago."

"A while? Try 1970." Elvire muttered snidely, crossing her arms over her chest and scowling.

Celine gave her sister an irritated look as Deadpool spoke up. "What the actual fuck? How old are you?"

The younger sibling winced at this, giving a weak, wry smile. "Would you believe me if I said we're both over a hundred and fifty?"

"One hundred and seventy-three if you want to be accurate." Elvire corrected, rolling her eyes.

At Celine's cross look, Elvire repeated her action. "Fine, one hundred and seventy-one, in Cel-bell's case."

"So you're actually a pedophile?"


	2. Psycho Killer

"No."

"Oh come on, one swipe, a picture, and we're done!"

"Do you know how much blood would be coating my clothes?"

"Why do you think I wear red spandex? Of course I know how bloody it is!"

"I need to get paid, I've got a baby momma at home! Well, there's actually no baby, but I've got a girl!"

"As much as I hate to admit it, we're going to have to change anyway, Elvie." Celine gestured to her ruined top. She still wore a bitter look on her face for the pedophile comment earlier.

"I've been the leader of the Roosters for over a century, I wouldn't be taken down from some half-rate assassin!" Elvire protested sharply.

"Half-rate?" Deadpool echoed in indignation.

"Can't you just, I don't know, start a rumor that he only killed Autolycus or something?" Celine questioned, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to her other foot.

"She'd be around a hundred. I could put some makeup on, I guess." Judging by the irritable look crossing her features, this was only admitted grudgingly.

"Autolycus? What the hell is that?" Logan questioned.

Ignoring his question and leaving Celine to answer, Elvire motioned for the trio to follow her up the stairs towards the third floor of the mansion, setting her sights on her bedroom. Her sibling breathed a sigh of annoyance before turning to Wolverine.

"Well, you can't exactly let everyone know how old you are." The younger sibling pointed out as she bounced up the stairs. "She's been making aliases to keep the Roosters going. She's on her third right now. What's that one's name? Sinnoh?"

Elvire shot her an exasperated look over her shoulder. "No. It's Sinon, a Greek warrior in the Trojan War and one of Autolycus' descendants in the Odyssey."

"Whatever. The point is, she's been the one keeping everything going. All these other people don't actually exist."

"Hermes existed." Elvire argued with a pout. She was very fond of that alias, considering it was her first one. Despite having to disguise herself as a male for about forty years while she maintained the persona, he had been a badass that she enjoyed acting as. Not that she wasn't a badass herself, but Hermes had been feared throughout the entirety of the East coast of the United States at one point.

"Oh, please. He's as real as Autolycus and Sinon."

"Considering any one of those names can spread fear among the right people, they're plenty real. No help me put this gunk on." That demand was followed by Elvire pulling out a box full of cosmetics from under her bed, irritably waving away the dust that followed. Turning a glare to the trio that had stopped in the bedroom doorway, she fixated her ire on Deadpool. "Appreciate what I'm doing here. Note that by appreciate, I want a thirty percent cut of your pay."

"Thirty? No can do, sweetcheeks. Ten percent."

"Auto's bounty is at _least_ thirteen million. Thirty or I'll have your head on a spike instead." Elvire spit out acidly.

Deadpool raised his hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine. Me- _owch_. Kitty's got claws. Oh wait, wrong person."

The obvious glance towards Wolverine was met with a glare and said claws being brandished, making the assassin skitter into the room and away from the bulky mutant. Peering over Elvire's shoulder into the box's contents, Deadpool let out a low whistle. "Someone's prepared."

Rolling her eyes and ignoring him, Elvire motioned for Celine to help. An hour of irritable barbs and nonsensical comments from Deadpool - or Wade, as he informed them - later found Elvire's eyes glaring out from an aged, wrinkled face. Logan glanced over as he sipped the beer Celine has welcomed him to.

"Well, damn."

"Shut up. Alright, let's go back to the drawing room. The carpet's already stained with blood." The eldest sibling demanded, ignoring them in favor of retreating down the stairs. Celine was left looking horrified at the reminder.

"Not the cashmere!" Celine groaned with distaste. "You're paying for the replacement, Elvie!"

"You realize you have your own seven figure bank account, right?" Elvire questioned before turning to Deadpool, "alright, have at it."

"Wait!" Celine screeched. "Let me leave!"

Deadpool paused with his katana raised, glancing over at the woman questionably while Elvire rolled her eyes.

"Just because I know she'll live through it doesn't mean I need to see it happen." She hissed at the two of them, quickly exiting the room. "I'm going to change out of these bloody clothes." Huffing before going to bounce up the stairs to her room.

Five minutes, a fountain of blood, and a selfie later had Elvire rubbing at her neck uncomfortably, twisting it and feeling the bones pop back into place. Sending a salute in the texting Deadpool's direction, the woman made her own way up the stairs. "You owe me about four million."

"Of course, honey bunches of oats. You're my biggest payday ever, after all."

Ignoring him Elvire made her way to her room, packing away the cosmetic supplies and gathering a bundle of clothes from her suitcase. Shuffling into her en suite she quickly removed as much makeup as she could before practically jumping into the shower in order to wash off the remains of makeup, sweat, and blood.

Drying and slipping into a pair of black skinny jeans and a loose cotton sweater, Elvire made her way back to the ground floor while toweling through her wet hair. Celine and their former assassins were gathered in the kitchen, although her sibling and Logan appeared to be glaring at each other while the latter held a cellphone to his ear.

Wearing a floral dress that reached just above her knees and her hair done up in an intricate braid, Celine was leaning closer to the phone to hear the conversation, her expression slowly darkening. Her hands were balling up into fists under her chin, and she looked about ready to throw a tantrum, judging by the scowl on her face.

"What's going on?" Elvire questioned, interrupting anything her sister was about to say.

Celine gave her sister a tight lipped smile. "Pack your stuff. We'll be going on a road trip pretty soon." Though it came out cheery, it was obvious she was feeling anything but.

"...Er, what?" Elvire asked in confusion.

"Mr. Mindreader is forcing tall, dark, and meaty over here to take both of us to his mansion."

Upon hearing his nickname, Logan sent Celine an annoyed look, unable to say anything in retaliation while on the phone. At the same time, Wade let out an obnoxiously loud "ha!" at the quip through a mouth full of pickle. His mask was peeled up to his nose, allowing him to eat and at the same time giving the girls plenty an idea as to how scarred his body was. When he received his own glare in return, the hitman quickly returned to the fridge for more food.

This only made Elvire's confused expression shift into bewilderment as she realized what was said. "Charles Xavier wants to see us?"

The younger sister nodded once, her irritation growing even more than before. She couldn't go. What if Charles asked about him? Or even worse, he was there. Thinking about seeing Hank again after abandoning him for so many years made Celine feel like she was going to be sick.

"Why the fuck would he want to see us?"

"How the hell should I know? I don't live in the guy's head." Mr. Meaty grunted at them, putting a hand over the microphone so he could put his two cents into the conversation.

"No, he just lives in yours." Wade piped up, only his backside visible from where he was crouched in front of the fridge.

"I just got back in America this morning before being followed for two hours by you jackasses. I'm jet lagged and personally, my bed is calling my name. Why would I want to drive all the way to New York?" Elvire whined, ignoring her actual age and descending into a childish pout.

"Yes. Okay, Scott, I will. _Yes._ Bye." Finally finished on the phone, Logan placed it on the island counter with a sigh. "I'd be driving. I was coming up here by myself originally, before this asshole decided to show up." He nodded his head to Deadpool, who was now wiggling his butt while humming to himself, taking out more food now from the pantry across the room.

"Is there room to take a nap in the back of your car?" Elvire questioned first. At his nod, she turned to her sibling. "We're going."

"Elvie…" Her sister said desperately. She was standing up straight now, becoming increasingly distraught.

"We both know you've barely left the mansion since 1996 and you haven't even been in New York since you left. That therapist of yours said it's better to face your demons, so you're fucking going."

Celine pouted at her sister, a challenging look on her face. She stared for moment longer before taking off for the stairs. If she could get to her room and lock the door, she just might have a chance of getting out of this dreadful mess.

Her hopes were dashed as she stepped closer to the kitchen entryway. Logan was able to beat her to it, causing the mutant to ram into his chest, making her stumble back before he caught her wrist. Once she got her footing, Celine tried to kick him in the knee. This did nothing, only cause the walking muscle shield to become exasperated before throwing the woman over his shoulder.

"We're leaving, now." He grunted over to Elvire while trying to subdue a kicking and screaming Celine.

"I'll go get some of our stuff." Elvire agreed, quickly disappearing up the stairs.

"I'm coming too!" Wade chirped, flouncing over to where Celine had went limp and curiously poking her side. His mask was now back in its normal position.

This caused her to gasp in surprise, wiggling in Logan's grasp. "If you do that again, I'll kill you." Celine cried, trying to grab at him.

Deadpool quickly jumped back, laughing merrily. "Someone's ticklish. You planning on carrying her all the way to the car, macho man?"

"She'll just run away if I don't." Logan pointed out.

Ignoring Celine's protests, Deadpool stepped back to where he had made some type of food, using the fridge's contents. Logan wasn't really sure it was edible, let alone if it would taste good, so he ignored the assassin's eating habits and focused on his previous statement. "You're not coming with us."

"Why not?" That was definitely a pout. How Logan could tell it was a pout through Wade's mask, he didn't know, but it was definitely a pout.

"Because you're batshit insane."

"Gonna have to agree with Meathead on that one." Celine spoke halfheartedly, giving Logan a swift kick to the stomach. He let out an _oof!_ but his hold around her waist was didn't lessen.

"Shit." She hissed under her breath.

"You're lucky I don't kick your ass." The burly man snarled, keeping his free hand over where she had previously assaulted him.

"Oh, I'd like to see you try, honey. The only reason you won our little confrontation was thanks to those accessories in your hands."

 _"Accessories?"_ Logan repeated.

"Oh my god." Wade said excitedly. "Do you guys have any popcorn?"

"Shut up!" They demanded simultaneously.

"Wade, there's popcorn in that cabinet over there and you two, stop flirting already." Elvire stated as she entered the room, her worn duffel bag on one shoulder and a rolling suitcase in her other hand. Logan seemed relieved at her presence, before her comment registered and a scowl instantly crossed his features.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't make me gag, Elvie."

"I don't think that's what you'd be gagging on…" Wade trailed off suggestively, cackling at the horrified look the duo shot him. Judging by Elvire's smirk, his comment didn't go unappreciated.

Willing her expression to flatten, Elvire turned back to the only X-Men in the room. "So, we going now?"

After giving the mercenary one last look, he nodded to the older sister, shifting the younger one a bit as he turned to head out the front door. All the while, Celine was kicking and screaming again, this time trying to lunge for Wade.

"Let me go! I'd be doing you a favor!" She called out, looking angry enough to snap his neck in half.

Logan scoffed. "Believe me, I know." Still, he did nothing as they left the house.

"Elvire!" Celine exclaimed in return.

"On it." She spoke casually, punching Wade in the arm, who was following behind the two.

"Ow!" He whined, rubbing the spot gingerly.

They had only taken a few steps outside when Celine stopped them.

"Wait, wait! We can't just leave the door like that. I swear, if someone breaks into my home, there's going to be hell to pay."

Elvire had already pulled out her phone as she saw the splintered wreckage of their front door, sending her younger sister an unimpressed look. "You forget that I'm essentially a gang leader, don't you? Hey, Felix? Yeah, something happened at the house…"

Celine watched as Elvire went ahead of them so she could have some privacy. With a groan, she swayed as they continued on to Logan's car. She was silent for a moment before taking note of something.

"Tell me, meat for brains."

He grunted in acknowledgement, waiting for the woman to continue.

"Do you always take orders from Xavier like panting puppy, or is today a special case?"

"Okay, you know what-?" Logan started, starting to get very annoyed with the entire situation. He was cut off before he could continue, though, by one of the root causes of his irritation.

"Wow, the sexual tension is unreal."

"Shut up, Wade."


	3. Highway to Hell

"Please?"

"No, dammit."

"But-!"

"Wade, if you wake me up one fucking more time, you'll have a knife in your skull until we reach Xavier's." Elvire cracked her eyes open, ready to launch at the spandex wearing man sitting in the passenger seat.

"If I had my way, he wouldn't even be here." Celine piped up, interrupting herself from sulking out the window.

"Don't you have some glowering to do?" Elvire grumbled, trying to get comfortable again.

The next couple of hours went by agonizingly slow. Celine's sister was trying to rest, so she couldn't talk to her, and there was no way in hell she'd strike up conversation with the two dill weeds in the front. She was still upset that they forced her into the car, and to make it even more embarrassing, Logan had put the child lock on all the doors.

Luckily, just before they were rolling into hour number three, Elvire woke up. She abruptly sat up straight in her seat, rubbing irritably at her crusted eyes and glancing around at their surroundings. Faced with only trees, traffic, and building, the woman relaxed back into her seat with an irritated grumble, "it's too bright."

Celine simply rolled her eyes, turning to look back out the window. "How much longer?" She gave in, sitting there doing nothing was driving the woman crazy.

"Use your phone." Came the tired reply as Elvire focused on the passing trees.

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you want to drive all the way back for another three hours? I seem to have forgotten it after I was kidnapped from my home!" She spoke bitterly.

Everyone was silent for a moment before Logan piped up, "with the traffic, probably a half hour."

With a hum in acknowledgement, she began counting the cars as they passed.

"You know, you two are taking our figurative immortality pretty well. Wade's insane, but why are you so calm, Logan?" Elvire suddenly questioned, eyes losing their sleepy appearance and focusing intently on the man.

Said man glanced between the two woman in his back seat through the rear view mirror, realizing that even Celine was interested in the answer to her sister's question.

"'Cause what you said ain't exactly Earth shattering news." Realizing they wanted him to expand on the cryptic reply, he sighed, "the claws aren't the only part of my mutation." He had their complete attention now, even Wade. Suppressing a groan, his hands tightened on the driver's wheel.

"I was born in 1832."

Silence reigned once more, the women absorbing the information quietly. If only it stayed that way.

"So you're telling me we could have an immortality orgy?" Wade spoke up with a little too much enthusiasm. "I'm in! Anyone else?"

"I thought you had a girlfriend?" Elvire asked before the other two could say anything.

"She'd probably be into it too! She's not exactly immortal, but damn is she good in bed."

"I think I'll take your word for it." Celine spoke sarcastically.

"Wait a second. This means you're older than me. What the fuck?" Elvire suddenly realized, staring at Logan in wonder.

He quirked an eyebrow, glancing at her through the rear view mirror before shrugging, "haven't been keeping count."

"Yeah, by twenty-eight years actually. Wow, not every day that happens. And Wade, you're immortal too?"

"Haven't been killed yet, and I regrow any missing limbs. So, to put it simply: I'm awesome."

"Dude, you're in the same car as three other people who essentially can't be killed. You ain't the hottest thing here. That'd be me." Elvire boasted, smirking teasingly as the masked man gasped in shock.

"This is an outrage! I'm leaving!" Reaching for the door handle, Wade paused and stared down at his hand before glancing over towards Celine. "Oh that's right. The doors are locked because of our kid."

The last bit of their impromptu road trip was filled with a struggling Celine, a snickering Wade, and both Elvire and Logan exasperatedly trying to prevent both homicide and a car wreck.

The closer they came to the mansion, the quieter Celine became. She was feeling absolutely awful, and when Logan turned the car into the driveway, the hundred and sixty four year old felt like sobbing.

"I'm going to kill Charles." She murmured pathetically, earning a snicker from her sister.

Soon, guilt was being replaced with rage. Charles knew she didn't want to come back. Why was he doing this to her?

With an irritated grunt, she went to open the parked car, only find it still locked. "Let me out you overrated, pea brained wild animal." She said through gritted teeth, a clear fire in her eyes. Everyone kept quiet and avoided eye contact as Logan shot his hand out for the door to unlock. Flinging it open, she stomped out, headed for the front door.

"Er...sorry about that." Elvire muttered awkwardly, glancing apologetically at Logan before following swiftly after her fuming sister.

"I knew I should have brought that popcorn." Wade mumbled miserably as the three exited the car, trying to catch up to Celine.

They were able to reach her rather quickly, as the closer she got, the slower she began to move. All four were on the entrance's steps when she suddenly stopped. Elvire would have slammed into her if she hadn't been paying attention. Turning on her heel, Celine looked over her sister to stare at the two men.

"I need to make one thing clear." She wore a frown on her face. "If either of you see him before I do…" She paused to gain her composure.

"I'm gonna stop you right there, my lips are sealed, Ms. Dion." Deadpool pretended to lock where his mouth should have been behind his mask.

The other man nodded in agreement causing Celine to give a scrutinizing once over before deciding they were telling the truth. She continued to lead them to the door, before stepping aside for Logan to lead them in.

"Looks like the house in France." Elvire observed, glancing around the foyer and taking in the liberal use of wood, "more outdoorsy, though."

Tons of children were walking about, some in little groups, more jogging to get outside. Many stopped to greet Logan, others couldn't help but stare at Wade as they passed. Elvire remained stoic, watching the kids going about with mild curiosity. Celine, on the other hand, looked as paranoid as could be. Every time she heard a new set of footsteps, she would flinch and try to hide behind the two men much taller than her.

"Can we move it along?" She gestured for them to keep going, earning an eye roll from Logan who in the end complied to her desperate request.

Luckily, no Hank was in sight as they made it to the Professor's office. Knocking tentatively, Logan waited for the muffled, "come in," before turning the knob on the door.

Charles was behind his desk, an empty tray that Celine could only guess previously held his lunch. He was wiping his mouth with a napkin, talking to another male wearing sunglasses. They both turned to watch the party enter, Charles forming a smile, the other seeming to inspect the new arrivals, scoffing when landing on Wade.

"Why is he here?" Sunglasses was scowling now.

"Good to see you too, dick head." Wade shot back easily, shooting him a finger gun.

The sisters were sure he was giving the mercenary a death glare.

Before anything else could happen, Charles interrupted the debacle. "Alright." He turned to the other man with a curt nod, "Wade. I do have to agree with Scott, though, why are you here?"

"Are you kidding? And miss free entertainment? Between Wolvy and Celine Dion's sexual tension and furries, I'd be insane to not be here!" Was the response, earning two extremely irritated glares, Charles and Scott not bothering to question it further.

"Right… Well, I need to speak to Celine and Elvire." No one moved. "Alone."

"Oh, come on!" Deadpool whined before being dragged by the back of his suit out of the office by Logan, Scott at their heels.

Once everything was settled and the three were left alone, Charles moved his chair out from behind his desk. Elvire stared in surprise for a moment, raising an eyebrow at the wheelchair before turning an accusatory stare at her sibling. Here she was believing the famed Professor X could still walk, and judging by Celine's unsurprising features, the wheelchair was a previously known accessory. Clucking her tongue in annoyance, Elvire moved forward and held out her hand politely.

"It's nice to finally meet you, despite how little Celine talked about her time here. I'm Elvire Stiles."

Charles took her hand graciously. "The pleasure's all mine, Miss Stiles." He released the older sibling's hand, turning to the younger, "hello, Celine."

"Charles." She said indignantly, taking a seat in one of the chairs before his desk.

"I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused the two of you."

"Yeah, not sorry enough." Celine blurted, wincing at the harshness of her tone, "sorry." She murmured with a guilty look, playing with her fingers in her lap.

He simply nodded, returning his attention to Elvire, "I'm sure you're both wondering why I've requested Logan to bring you here." He returned to the back of his desk, gesturing for her to take a seat at the remaining chair in front of him.

"I've asked you both here because I have a job offer."

"No." Elvire immediately answered, barely taking a second to come to her decision. Seeing the dual surprise at her abrupt answer she shrugged. "I have a job."

Charles chuckled at this. "I'm aware. But I need your assistance with a certain matter that deals in your line of work."

"Eh?" Elvire raised a curious eyebrow, relaxing back in the chair before Charles' desk, "and what kind of assistance would that be?"

"I need you to find someone for me. Erik Lehnsherr."

"Why the hell are you looking for Magneto?" Tilting her head curiously, Elvire glanced over Charles calculatingly for a moment before snorting, "last I heard the two of you were still enemies."

"Erik and I share a long, complicated history," he explained. "I just need to know what he's doing. I haven't heard from him in quite some time now."

"Right," Elvire drawled sarcastically, "and yet I can't help but wonder why this is the first time you've ever approached me for help."

"I've been unable to contact you until now. I wanted to hire you discreetly. The fact that Logan wished to come see served as the perfect chance to ask for your services."

"Considering his greeting was a busted door frame and some claws through Celine's chest, you need to pick better contacts."

Charles' eyebrows flew up in surprise, flickering a glance over to a bored Celine staring out one of the windows before returning his gaze to her sister. "I can assure you, I had no idea Logan would do such a thing. Though, I don't believe he would react violently without reason."

"It's mostly Celine and her horrible acting to blame anyway, don't worry about it."

Charles hummed in acknowledgement, his hands pressing together tentatively. "Would you like to take some time to think about it? I am aware I'm asking for quite a bit from you."

"Yeah, but you said you asked both of us here for a job offer? So far you've just been asking for me to do something. Why's Celine here?"

Upon hearing her name, Celine turned her attention to the man behind the desk. Whatever he had to say better have been good.

"I'd like to offer Celine a position at this institute. I believe she has the makings for an excellent history teacher. Logan's found himself having trouble with the subject after an unforeseen incident. It would be wonderful if she could take over for him."

"Oh, you cannot be serious, Charles!" Celine piped up, raising her voice. She was standing now, marching over to the desk and slamming her hands down on it.

"You want me to work here, of all places?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?"

Staring blankly at her sibling for a moment, Elvire hooked a thumb over her shoulder.

"I'm gonna leave you two to talk...Have fun" With that she beat a hasty retreat out of the room, ignoring Charles' calm reply in the face of Celine's rage.

"Of course not. I'm just trying to repair the damage you've caused."

Celine was red in the face now, too angry to even give a reply. She turned away from him, crossing her arms. She was silent for a moment, biting her lip.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"It was a mess, Celine." He started, his voice soft and cautious, "I don't think I'd ever seen him in such disrepair, even Raven leaving hadn't hurt him as much as you did."

"You don't think I know that?" Her voice was even quieter, "did you tell him?"

He was silent for far too long, Celine's heart racing as she waited for an answer, fearing it would explode if he didn't say something soon.

"No, I kept my promise. Now I think it's time you kept yours."

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep herself from crying before turning around to look at him.

"You know I can't do that, Charles."

"Why not? Don't you think you owe him that?" She didn't reply, just shaking her head while blinking back tears.

Suddenly, he slammed his fist on the desk, causing the woman to jump in surprise. "You broke Hank's heart, Celine! The man went through utter hell trying to get over you and this is how you repay him?" She shrunk away at his sudden outburst, taking a step back, not replying while her eyes were fixated on the ground.

"You owe him." Charles repeated, his voice leveling again.

She looked up at him with a frown before shaking her head, "I'm sorry, Charles." Taking a few steps backwards, she swiveled around, quickly heading for the door.

"Wait, Celine." Charles called, beginning to follow after her, "Celine, wait!"

She twisted the doorknob, pulling on it to run out of the house, possibly find a taxi and go back home. If she pretended like this entire thing never happened, it eventually would feel that way. Idly, she noted how easy the door swung open, thinking nothing of it until she almost ramming into another body. Celine quickly took a step back before making eye contact with the very hairy person.

A very blue haired person.

"Celine?" The person breathed, his eyes wide with shock.

Frantically, she wiped at her eyes, body going completely numb."Hi, Hank." She gave a weak smile to the man.

He opened his mouth to say something, only for it to slowly shut. With eyes fluttering, he suddenly fell forward. Celine squeaked in surprise, stumbling out of the way to watch as he fell forward on the ground.

"Holy shit! Celine Dion killed Beast!"

* * *

 **A/N: Shout out to ryankrage77 for letting me know that the chapter was broken! Thanks fam**


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